Making the Most of Therapy
Starting therapy is hard! It’s scary to meet a stranger and be vulnerable right off the bat. It can be daunting to find a therapist when it feels like there’s both an endless list of options and a scarce number of therapists with availability or the skills you need. How do you narrow down your choices? How do you know who will be a good fit? How can you be flexible about your expectations while standing up for yourself? Therapy is a relationship, just like any other, and it can be challenging.
Several years ago, I worked in an inpatient facility. Many of the clients I met with had never been to therapy before. They often had questions about what therapy would be like after they moved to outpatient care. I began to hold group therapy sessions asking clients to share their thoughts, concerns, and tips for starting outpatient therapy. Together we brainstormed how to identify needs to be addressed in therapy and how to advocate for what you want. The handout below is the culmination of these group efforts.
This handout is meant to be a check list and inspiration. You can take the lines that match what you want and leave others. Or you can add your own questions, thoughts, and goals!
What am I looking for?
☐ I want to leave each session feeling helped.
☐ I want to be comfortable being myself and comfortable being honest.
☐ I want someone who is available when I am.
☐ I want someone who practices what they preach: appears calm and focused in session, appears genuine, and has confident and open body language.
☐ I want someone who fits specific demographics (age, gender, ethnicity, etc.) that I think will be most helpful to me.
☐ I want someone who will help me identify and work towards my goals.
☐ I want someone who will ask me about what’s worked in the past and what hasn’t worked.
☐ I want someone who will help me stay motivated.
☐ I want someone who is engaging, smart, and able to help me connect with the bigger picture.
What am I not looking for?
☐ I don’t want someone who talks more than I do in the session.
☐ I don’t want someone who will just listen the whole session and not give feedback.
☐ I don’t want someone who talks about themselves.
☐ I don’t want someone who makes assumptions about me.
☐ I don’t want someone who is paying more attention their computer, phone, etc.
What to ask in the first session or when researching therapists
☐ What is the therapist’s schooling and background?
☐ What types of therapy do they specialize in?
☐ How long have they been in the field?
☐ How do they measure the success of their clients?
☐ When is the therapist available? How do they schedule and handle billing?
☐ Share what you want from therapy and ask if they are comfortable with your needs.
What if i’m not satisfied or uncomfortable with my treatment?
☐ Remember you are in control of the session- Ask for what you need or end the session if you want to.
☐ Speak up and express your concerns to the therapist. This could be a great opportunity for both of you to work through a problem and grow.
☐ Make your goals for yourself clear and ask for what you need.
☐ Ask for a referral to a therapist with more experience in what you need.
☐ Try to keep an open mind, especially in the first session or two, and remember that being uncomfortable (in your learning zone) is part of growth.
Before my first session
☐ My goals for therapy are: _________________________________________________________________
☐ Styles of therapy that have been helpful in the past include: ____________________________________
☐ Styles or approaches that have not been helpful include: _______________________________________
☐ I am motivated to change when: ___________________________________________________________
☐ My biggest obstacles to reaching my goals have been: ______________________________________________
